Sleep

Explain to your child that tonight they will be sleeping all night in their own bed. Make this as positive as possible. Meet any protests with a humorous but resolute response e.g. “Oh yes you are, you cheeky thing”. Explain to older siblings and any close neighbours that there may be some disruption for a couple of nights.

Role-play with your child, putting their toys to bed and giving them (the toys) plenty of praise for staying there. Make a star chart with your child and go out to buy favourite stickers. Explain that each time they stay in bed all night they will get a sticker. Earning a sticker is in itself a reward, but an older child will find extra incentive in you offering a special treat for saving up, say, 7 stickers earned on consecutive nights. A younger child will probably respond to an extra sticker on their pyjamas.

Do not allow your child to sleep after 2:30pm in the afternoon if you want him or her to be ready to sleep again by 7 or 8 o’clock in the evening. If at all possible have a daytime rest yourself. You will need reserves of energy on this night.

It is vital that your child settles to sleep in their own bed alone. To make this easier for them, you must help them to feel safe, secure and loved.

Try the following:

• Develop a bedtime routine that incorporates a clear sequence of sleep cues e.g. bath, clean teeth, familiar story, familiar goodnight song.
• Turn off the TV, radio or screen. Your home doesn’t need to be completely silent; but these kinds of sounds are particularly irritating and disruptive to sleep.
• During bath-time, participate in games with your child. This helps to expend any reserves of energy they may have as well as giving you the chance to demonstrate your love for them.
• Gently remind them from time to time that tonight they will be sleeping in their own bed.
• After bath time go directly to your child’s bedroom. Keep the lights low, share familiar stories (no more than 3) or sing a familiar song together.
• Put your child into bed. Have a goodnight cuddle. Explain again gently and quietly what you are doing and then go.
• If your child gets out of bed put them back in firmly but kindly. Spend no more than 30 seconds with them. If they seem frightened, stay calm and reassuring but do not reinforce their fears by hanging around.
• Do not allow yourself to be drawn into lengthy negotiations over positions of teddies and so on. Be loving, calm and resolute. It is very important that you remain in charge of the agenda at this point. In order for the programme to succeed, it is important that your child recognises that he or she cannot act to change the way it is going to be. If it feels like an unfair battle of wills, keep reminding yourself that you will both be infinitely better off in the end.
• Put your child back into bed as many times as it takes. (Hence the need for vast energy reserves.) Eventually your child will fall asleep and in most cases it will not take anything like as long on the second night.
• Don’t lock, or even close the door if it is usually left open. Apart from feeling excluded and punished, your child may be terrified by being so enclosed if they are not used to it. Your aim is to make your child feel secure enough to fall asleep without you.
• Go to bed early – it is likely you will be up a lot in the night.
• If your child comes into your room after you have gone to bed, force yourself to get up and put them back to bed just as you did earlier in the evening.
• Do not relent at any stage – you will only prolong the learning process.
• In the morning, whether your child has come to you, or you have gone to them, open the curtains or put on the lights. Give clear signals that night-time is over, and it is time for the day to begin.

Even if you feel like a hamster who has spent the night on a treadmill, be loving and welcoming. Praise your child for what they have achieved and be sure to award a sticker.

Be especially loving towards your child. Tell them what a big boy or girl they are now.

Repeat exactly the same settling process as the night before. Don’t be disheartened if you find you are still making several visits to their room. This technique will work when it is applied consistently. It usually takes only a couple of nights to solve the majority of sleep problems of nursery aged children if the parent is committed to it. By the end of this second night, your child will have learned new sleeping habits.

From now on it will be much easier. Keep on with the bedtime routine and maintain your loving, resolute manner. It is crucial to reinforce what your child has learned. By next weekend your only task will be to celebrate!

Do’s

• Aim for a quiet, dark and cool beedroom
• Your bed and bedroom should be kept just for sleeping
• Develop a good bedtime routine, maybe try some of these ideas
• Read a book
• Have a warm bath
• Listen to soft music
• Do some light stretches
• Make simple preparations for the next day
• Relax – try some deep breathing or imagining your favourite calm place
• Go to bed at the same time each night, choose a time when you feel naturally tired
• Get up at the same time each day, even on weekends – teenagers need about 10 hours sleep
• Spend some time each day outdoors or in natural light
• Eat a healthy diet and try to have meals at the same time each day
• Get regular exercise each day, the best time is before dinner or in the morning

Dont’s

• Don’t watch TV, use computers or mobile phones in bed or before sleeping – these make our minds more active and make it harder to sleep
• Don’t share your bed with other family members or pets
• No coffee, fizzy drinks or chocolate after 4pm. These contain caffeine and can upset your sleep pattern
• No big meals or lots of drinks close to bedtime – you might be up in the night to use the loo!
• Exercise during the day is great, but don’t do anything too active for at least two hours before bed
• Try not to nap during the day, especially after 3pm

If you wake up in the middle of the night and find it hard to get back to sleep, maybe try these things:

• Focus on relaxing, not sleeping
• Try not to watch the clock
• Stay in a relaxed position – even resting without sleep can help your body recharge
• Try deep breathing or imagining a calm place
• Make a note of worries on a piece of paper and put off worrying about it until the next day
• If you’re awake more than 15 minutes, get out of bed and do a quiet activity, like reading, until you’re tired. Keep the lights dim

https://sleepaction.org/
https://www.youngminds.org.uk/young-person/my-feelings/sleep-problems
https://thesleepcharity.org.uk/information-support/children/
https://www.familylives.org.uk/advice/your-family/special-educational-needs/sleep-advice-for- parents-with-disabled-children

Wellbeing Hub Young People